Megan W.
The date did not go well.
Chad did not want to pay.
So he sat at the bar swiping
when Jessica stepped away.
It was Thursday in Lakeview.
They’d sat there till two.
He wanted something casual
and he’d thought she did too.
But all she did all night was
talk! talk! talk! talk!
She yapped on and on
as Chad checked his phone clock.
He did not care about her mom
or how she fundraised for Unicef.
Chad did not listen to her stories.
He was just DTF.
He looked at her unattended cocktail
and scoffed “what a dumb girl drink!”
Suddenly, it dawned on him,
and he started to think a think.
Jessica had been away
for quite a long while.
He gazed at her drink
and he started to smile.
“With one swift PLOP,” he started,
“I could change the course of this night!”
“I can seize this golden opportunity.
...I can do this - and I just might.”
BRILLIANT! SUPERB!
ASTOUNDING! What a thought!
But might she notice?
She might notice.
She could notice!
But maybe not.
So he took a quick sip
of that dumb girl drink he’d not bought.
He tasted that taste
as he thought his thought.
FIREWORKS and COLORS
FLASHING LIGHTS like a cop!
Until something went POP!
and brought Chad’s thinks to a stop.
“Excuse me, beg your pardon”
called a voice with a wheeze.
“I am Dweezil the Weasel
and I help with questions like these!
I have all the right answers
to the thinks that you think.
I know just what you should do
with that dumb girl drink.
Yes, Dweezil answers answers with ease!
And the very best of all?
I’m at your service, if you please.”
Chad was bamboozled,
surprised and confused.
And by this time that Thursday,
he was incredibly boozed.
“Chad, is it?” wheezed Dweezil,
“I got here just in time!”
“I see that you’re considering
committing, you know, a crime.
“To you it may seem like
it’s all in good fun,
but heed my advice
for it can’t be undone”
“Dweezil, I must stop you,
because in fact I DO NOT please.
I do not need your help
with questions like these.”
“You see,” Chad slurred, “I did
think what I thought,
but I thinked that think
because I think that I OUGHT!
If nobody told her
not to leave drinks,
you cannot expect me
not to think thinks.
“It is not my fault
if she was never taught.
It’s not my fault at all.
Nope, nope it’s not.”
“Chad, you must listen
to my sound advice
I hope that my words
will make you think twice.
No, I do not, do not
think you should.
Even if it really seems
like maybe you could.
“I know that it’d be easy
to PLOP that little pill,
but it’s time you go home.
You have clearly had your fill.”
“But Dweezil, I’ve never heard this before!
Not from my pastor, brothers, or dad.
Not even from the best coach that I ever had!
I swear on my life, or my name isn’t Chad.”
“So I’m good, many thanks.
You seem nice,
but I’m gonna do what I do.
I do not take advice from mice.
“I’m not a mouse,”
grumbled Dweezil with a scowl.
“I am trying to stop you
from doing something foul.”
“I do not ask asks
from squirrels
about girls
or from beavers
about...beavers.
Go on and answer answers
for someone else.
I am Chad Masters from Schaumburg,
and I take care of myself.”
In one swift gulp,
he finished Jessica’s drink.
No one was gonna tell him
what thinks he could think!
“Dweezil, blimp blamp,”
garbled Chad as he stood up.
“Hoggen fruz dum dargon,
blampy blamp blimp blimp blup.”
The room was twirly swirly
The flashing lights were less fun
It was getting darker
when he bumped into someone.
“I’m Rolphie the Dolphie!
It’s me that you bumped!
I could give you a ride to Big City
Let’s get away from this grump!”
“I’ll help you walk,” Rolphie said with a sneer.
“All by yourself? Such a fine looking man!
Right this way, watch your step.
Let me carry you to my van.”
The date did not go well.
Chad did not want to pay.
So he sat at the bar swiping
when Jessica stepped away.
It was Thursday in Lakeview.
They’d sat there till two.
He wanted something casual
and he’d thought she did too.
But all she did all night was
talk! talk! talk! talk!
She yapped on and on
as Chad checked his phone clock.
He did not care about her mom
or how she fundraised for Unicef.
Chad did not listen to her stories.
He was just DTF.
He looked at her unattended cocktail
and scoffed “what a dumb girl drink!”
Suddenly, it dawned on him,
and he started to think a think.
Jessica had been away
for quite a long while.
He gazed at her drink
and he started to smile.
“With one swift PLOP,” he started,
“I could change the course of this night!”
“I can seize this golden opportunity.
...I can do this - and I just might.”
BRILLIANT! SUPERB!
ASTOUNDING! What a thought!
But might she notice?
She might notice.
She could notice!
But maybe not.
So he took a quick sip
of that dumb girl drink he’d not bought.
He tasted that taste
as he thought his thought.
FIREWORKS and COLORS
FLASHING LIGHTS like a cop!
Until something went POP!
and brought Chad’s thinks to a stop.
“Excuse me, beg your pardon”
called a voice with a wheeze.
“I am Dweezil the Weasel
and I help with questions like these!
I have all the right answers
to the thinks that you think.
I know just what you should do
with that dumb girl drink.
Yes, Dweezil answers answers with ease!
And the very best of all?
I’m at your service, if you please.”
Chad was bamboozled,
surprised and confused.
And by this time that Thursday,
he was incredibly boozed.
“Chad, is it?” wheezed Dweezil,
“I got here just in time!”
“I see that you’re considering
committing, you know, a crime.
“To you it may seem like
it’s all in good fun,
but heed my advice
for it can’t be undone”
“Dweezil, I must stop you,
because in fact I DO NOT please.
I do not need your help
with questions like these.”
“You see,” Chad slurred, “I did
think what I thought,
but I thinked that think
because I think that I OUGHT!
If nobody told her
not to leave drinks,
you cannot expect me
not to think thinks.
“It is not my fault
if she was never taught.
It’s not my fault at all.
Nope, nope it’s not.”
“Chad, you must listen
to my sound advice
I hope that my words
will make you think twice.
No, I do not, do not
think you should.
Even if it really seems
like maybe you could.
“I know that it’d be easy
to PLOP that little pill,
but it’s time you go home.
You have clearly had your fill.”
“But Dweezil, I’ve never heard this before!
Not from my pastor, brothers, or dad.
Not even from the best coach that I ever had!
I swear on my life, or my name isn’t Chad.”
“So I’m good, many thanks.
You seem nice,
but I’m gonna do what I do.
I do not take advice from mice.
“I’m not a mouse,”
grumbled Dweezil with a scowl.
“I am trying to stop you
from doing something foul.”
“I do not ask asks
from squirrels
about girls
or from beavers
about...beavers.
Go on and answer answers
for someone else.
I am Chad Masters from Schaumburg,
and I take care of myself.”
In one swift gulp,
he finished Jessica’s drink.
No one was gonna tell him
what thinks he could think!
“Dweezil, blimp blamp,”
garbled Chad as he stood up.
“Hoggen fruz dum dargon,
blampy blamp blimp blimp blup.”
The room was twirly swirly
The flashing lights were less fun
It was getting darker
when he bumped into someone.
“I’m Rolphie the Dolphie!
It’s me that you bumped!
I could give you a ride to Big City
Let’s get away from this grump!”
“I’ll help you walk,” Rolphie said with a sneer.
“All by yourself? Such a fine looking man!
Right this way, watch your step.
Let me carry you to my van.”